Beyond the excitement of welcoming a child into their home, some parents encounter an unexpected emotional struggle known as post-adoption depression (PAD). Similar to postpartum depression, PAD can bring feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, and exhaustion, making it difficult to bond with their child and leaving parents questioning their decision.
Despite being a common experience, post-adoption depression remains under-discussed, leading many parents to suffer in silence. This article will examine the causes and symptoms of PAD, drawing on psychological theories and real-life case studies to highlight why it occurs. We will also explore the latest research on its prevalence, discuss expert insights, and provide practical coping strategies to help adoptive parents navigate this challenging transition. By shedding light on PAD, we aim to provide reassurance, support, and guidance for parents who may be struggling with unexpected emotions after adoption.
Understanding post-adoption depression
Post-adoption depression refers to a form of depression that adoptive parents experience after welcoming a child into their family. While the condition is not yet as widely studied as postpartum depression, research suggests that it is a prevalent issue among adoptive parents, often linked to unmet expectations, stress, and the challenges of forming attachments.
Dr. Karen J. Foli, a leading researcher on post-adoption depression, notes in her book The Post-Adoption Blues that many parents go through an emotional crash once the reality of parenting an adopted child sets in. The discrepancy between their expectations and the actual experience of adoption can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and emotional exhaustion.
Prevalence of post-adoption depression
Though research on PAD is still developing, studies indicate that it is more common than many realise. A 2012 study published in Western Journal of Nursing Research found that up to 32% of adoptive mothers experience symptoms of depression following adoption. Another study conducted by the Journal of Affective Disorders in 2014 showed that between 18-26% of adoptive parents report moderate to severe depressive symptoms within the first year of adopting a child. These figures highlight the importance of recognising PAD as a real mental health concern and providing adequate support systems for adoptive parents.
Causes of post-adoption depression
Several psychological and situational factors contribute to post-adoption depression. Understanding these triggers can help adoptive parents and professionals develop strategies to mitigate the risk of PAD.
Unrealistic expectations and the reality of parenting
Many adoptive parents enter the process with high expectations of forming an immediate bond with their child. However, the reality of adoption can be different. The child may struggle with attachment, display behavioural issues, or experience emotional distress due to past trauma. This mismatch between expectation and reality can lead to frustration, disappointment, and self-doubt.
The pressure to be ‘grateful’ and ‘happy’
Society often places a strong emphasis on the idea that adoption is a purely positive and rewarding experience. This expectation can cause adoptive parents to suppress their negative emotions, fearing judgment if they express struggles or dissatisfaction. The pressure to feel only happiness can lead to internalised guilt, further exacerbating depressive symptoms.
Attachment difficulties
Attachment theory explains the importance of early bonding between a child and their caregiver. Many adopted children, particularly those who have experienced neglect, abuse, or multiple foster placements, develop insecure attachment styles. When a child resists forming emotional bonds, it can make an adoptive parent feel rejected, unprepared, or even resentful. This difficulty in building a secure attachment can contribute to PAD.
Lack of social and professional support
Adoptive parents often experience isolation, particularly if they do not have a strong support network or if they are adopting a child with special needs or trauma. Unlike biological parents who may have postpartum care and social expectations of receiving help, adoptive parents often lack structured post-adoption support, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair.
Hormonal and neurological factors
While PAD is not linked to the hormonal changes experienced during pregnancy, research suggests that stress-related hormonal shifts can contribute to depression. A study in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research found that adoptive mothers undergoing high levels of stress had increased cortisol levels, which are associated with depressive symptoms. The emotional and physical exhaustion of adjusting to a new parenting role can further compound these effects.
Symptoms of post-adoption depression
Post-adoption depression can manifest in a variety of ways, and symptoms may differ from person to person. Some of the most common symptoms include:
Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness
Difficulty bonding with the adopted child
Irritability, mood swings, or emotional numbness
Fatigue and lack of motivation
Sleep disturbances or changes in appetite
Feelings of guilt, regret, or inadequacy as a parent
Social withdrawal and isolation
Thoughts of self-harm or feelings of being overwhelmed
If left untreated, PAD can not only affect the mental well-being of the adoptive parent but also impact the emotional and psychological development of the child.
Coping strategies and support systems
While post-adoption depression can be challenging, there are effective strategies that parents can implement to cope with their emotions and find support. These include, but are not limited to:
Seeking professional help
Therapists and counsellors trained in adoption-related issues can provide valuable guidance for parents struggling with PAD. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and attachment-based therapy are particularly effective in addressing negative thought patterns and fostering secure bonds between parents and children.
Connecting with support groups
Joining an adoptive parent support group can help normalise the emotions surrounding PAD and provide a sense of community. Organisations such as Adoption UK and Post-Adoption Support Services offer peer-led discussions, counselling services, and resources for struggling parents.
Setting realistic expectations
Understanding that attachment and bonding take time can help alleviate pressure. Parents should give themselves grace and acknowledge that forming a deep connection with their adopted child is a gradual process rather than an instant achievement.
Prioritising self-care
Adoptive parents should ensure they take time for themselves, maintain a balanced lifestyle, and seek emotional support when needed. Engaging in relaxation techniques, exercise, or hobbies can help alleviate stress and improve overall well-being.
Communicating openly with family and friends
Talking about struggles with trusted family members or friends can help reduce feelings of isolation. It is important for adoptive parents to express their emotions without fear of judgment, as doing so can be the first step toward healing.
To conclude
Post-adoption depression is a real and serious mental health issue that deserves more attention and awareness. While adoption can be a beautiful and life-changing experience, it also comes with challenges that can affect the mental well-being of adoptive parents. By recognising the signs of PAD, seeking professional support, and fostering realistic expectations, parents can navigate this difficult period and create a nurturing environment for their child.
With greater awareness and resources, society can ensure that adoption remains a positive experience for both parents and children, supporting the well-being of families in their post-adoption journey.
Speak soon,
The Walk Together Team’
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