How Adoption Affects Extended Families | Understanding the Dynamics

In this blog, we will explore the emotional, social, and practical aspects of adoption that affect extended families, and provide insights into how adoptive parents can manage these relationships. We'll take a closer look at the challenges extended families face, how to build stronger connections, and why embracing these changes is essential for the child's overall development and well-being. Extended families, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins experience significant changes in how they relate to the adopted child, their adoptive parents, and each other. Understanding these dynamics is crucial in supporting everyone involved in the adoption journey, from the newly formed parent-child bond to the long-term role extended family members will play in the child’s life.

Emotional reactions in extended families

When a child is adopted, emotional responses within the extended family can be mixed. While many family members will welcome the new arrival with open arms, others may experience a range of emotions, from joy and excitement to confusion or even reluctance. These reactions are entirely normal and often reflect the complex dynamics that adoption introduces.

Positive emotions and excitement

One of the most common emotional responses in extended families is excitement. The arrival of a new child, regardless of their age, is often met with joy and pride. Extended family members, particularly grandparents, are excited about the opportunity to play a meaningful role in the child’s life. This excitement can provide a strong sense of unity and connection within the family, especially if the adoption is a well-planned and welcomed event.

Research conducted by the University of Leicester (2015) has found that families who embrace adoption and the arrival of a new child often report stronger emotional bonds. This is partly due to the shared joy of welcoming a new member and the collective responsibility felt in providing a stable and loving environment. When extended family members view the adoption as a positive experience, it can enhance their relationship with the child and foster a sense of inclusion and belonging.

Complex emotions: grief, loss, and adjustment

However, not all emotional reactions are entirely positive. For some extended family members, particularly grandparents, there may be a sense of grief or loss. This can arise from the fact that the child’s biological family will no longer be part of their life, especially if the child has been removed due to difficult circumstances. Grandparents, for example, might feel a sense of loss for the biological family that is no longer involved, and this can sometimes create a rift in their ability to accept the adoption fully.

Additionally, if the adopted child comes from a different cultural or ethnic background, extended family members may feel unsure about how to relate to the child or what role they should play in their upbringing. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and create space for dialogue about the adoption process and the child’s background. Adoptive families should encourage open communication with extended family members, so they can express their feelings and learn how to be supportive. This can also help in creating more understanding around the grief some family members may feel and allow them to adjust to their new role in the child’s life.

Secondary trauma in extended families

In cases where the adopted child has experienced trauma or attachment difficulties, extended family members may also experience what is known as "secondary trauma." This term refers to the emotional toll that extended family members face when they witness the struggles of the adoptive parents and the challenges the child may have gone through before being adopted.

Adopted children may carry the emotional scars of their past, which can manifest in behavioural difficulties or attachment issues. Extended family members, especially those who are closely involved in the child’s life, may feel helpless or frustrated when they cannot ease the child’s distress. This secondary trauma is often overlooked, but it is essential for extended family members to recognise the emotional weight that can come with supporting an adopted child.

Research by the American Psychological Association (APA) (2014) suggests that when extended families are properly educated on the effects of trauma and attachment issues, they are better equipped to support the child’s healing process. A family that works together to understand the emotional needs of an adopted child can create a more nurturing environment for them.

Social adjustments within extended families

Adoption brings with it many social adjustments for extended family members. These adjustments are often necessary as family dynamics shift and new roles are established. The child must also adjust to their new family, which can be especially difficult if they have been in foster care or had multiple caregivers prior to adoption.

Inclusion and social integration

One of the most significant social challenges that extended families may face is finding ways to include the adopted child in family activities. It’s essential that extended family members engage with the child and make efforts to create a sense of belonging. However, this can be tricky, particularly if the child has had a difficult past or comes from a different cultural background.

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2016) found that cultural and racial differences can sometimes hinder the integration of an adopted child, especially if extended family members are not familiar with adoption or the child’s background. However, extended families who take the time to learn about adoption and actively include the child in family traditions and celebrations tend to report more positive outcomes.

It’s also essential for adoptive parents to facilitate these relationships and ensure that extended family members understand the importance of building a connection with the child. The more involved the extended family is in the child’s life, the stronger the sense of security and acceptance the child will feel.

Shifting roles and expectations

The adoption of a child can also lead to changes in roles within the extended family. For instance, grandparents may find themselves taking on more caregiving responsibilities, particularly if the child has special needs or requires extra support. This can be a challenge for grandparents who might not have expected to take on such a large role in raising the child, but it can also be a rewarding experience.

A report from the Family and Child Studies Journal (2017) highlighted that many grandparents of adopted children end up providing invaluable emotional and practical support. This is particularly true for children who may have experienced neglect or trauma, as they may need additional stability from other family members. While it can be overwhelming, the role of a grandparent in an adopted child’s life can provide significant benefits for both the child and the family.

Addressing family secrets and disclosure

One of the more complex aspects of adoption in extended families is the issue of disclosure. There may be tension within the family about whether or not to tell the child about their adoption, and extended family members may have different opinions on how to handle this. A key factor in ensuring the child’s emotional health is the ability to talk openly about adoption within the family.

Research from Adoption Quarterly (2018) suggests that families who maintain open communication and transparency about the adoption process generally have better relational dynamics. Secrecy, on the other hand, can create feelings of alienation or confusion for the child, especially as they grow older and become more aware of their background.

It’s important for adoptive parents to have a clear and consistent approach to discussing adoption with extended family members. Everyone involved needs to be on the same page, both for the child’s emotional well-being and to create a united front when talking to the child about their adoption story.

The impact on family traditions

Adoption often brings changes to family traditions, especially when the child has come from a different cultural or ethnic background. Extended families may need to adapt their traditions or create new ones that incorporate the child’s heritage and family history. This can be a positive and enriching experience, allowing for greater cultural diversity and connection within the family.

New traditions and rituals

For example, if an adopted child comes from a different culture, it may be important to introduce family traditions that celebrate their heritage. This could include cooking traditional meals, celebrating specific holidays, or learning about the child’s cultural history. Research in the Journal of Family Psychology (2015) found that when families incorporate the adopted child’s background into their celebrations, they tend to experience stronger emotional bonds and a greater sense of unity. Adoptive families often create their own traditions that reflect their values and the unique journey they have undergone. These traditions can help the adopted child feel more included and provide a sense of continuity as they grow up.

Building intergenerational connections

The relationship between adopted children and their extended families, particularly grandparents, can be deeply fulfilling. For grandparents, the arrival of an adopted grandchild can be a second chance to experience the joys of raising a child. However, there may be challenges in understanding the child’s needs, particularly if the child has experienced trauma or neglect.

Grandparents and other extended family members can learn how to best support the adopted child by becoming familiar with attachment theory, trauma-informed care, and the unique needs of adopted children. Research by the National Adoption Center (2019) found that grandparents who take an active role in their grandchild’s life, while also respecting the child’s background and needs, can make a positive contribution to the child’s development.

Legal and financial implications

Adoption can also have legal and financial implications that affect the extended family. For example, extended family members might be asked to provide financial support for the child’s upbringing, particularly if the child has special needs. It’s important for families to discuss these matters openly and work together to ensure that the child’s needs are met.

Legal considerations

There are also legal factors to consider, such as guardianship or inheritance issues. Adoptive parents should understand the legal rights of extended family members in relation to the child and make any necessary adjustments to their legal documentation. Grandparents, in particular, may have concerns about their role in the child’s life and what rights they have in terms of guardianship or visitation.

Financial support

The financial responsibilities of adoption can be considerable. In some cases, extended family members may offer financial support, particularly if the child has ongoing medical or educational needs. It’s important for families to have conversations about how they can help, whether through direct financial contributions or offering support with childcare or other needs.

Long-term impact on extended families

Adoption has a long-term impact on the entire family network, not just in the early years of the child’s life but throughout their development. Extended family members will continue to play a significant role in the child’s life, and maintaining these relationships is crucial for the child’s sense of security and identity.

Lifelong connections

As adopted children grow older, their relationship with their extended family can deepen. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins become a valuable source of support, and the child’s sense of identity is strengthened by the inclusion of these relationships. It’s important for adoptive families to continue nurturing these connections throughout the child’s life.

Strengthening family bonds

Adoption, while it may present challenges, also offers the opportunity to strengthen family bonds across generations. The process of adapting to new family members and learning about their backgrounds can bring the family closer together and provide lifelong benefits for everyone involved.

Adoption is a complex and transformative process that affects everyone in the family, not just the immediate parents and children. By understanding the emotional, social, and practical challenges that extended family members face, adoptive parents can help foster a supportive environment for their child’s development. The role of the extended family is vital to the child’s well-being, and by embracing these changes, families can ensure a positive and enriching experience for the child and all involved.

Speak soon,

The Walk Together Team