Online safety and adopted children: What parents need to know

A modern challenge for adoptive families

The internet is now woven into every part of a child’s world - from games and videos to socialising and learning. For most families, that means striking a balance between freedom and safety. For adoptive parents, however, there is often another layer to consider.

Children who have experienced early trauma or separation may approach relationships differently. They can be more trusting of strangers online or, conversely, more secretive in their search for belonging. Understanding this doesn’t mean restricting everything they do - it means recognising their unique vulnerabilities and helping them navigate safely with your support close by.

Why adopted children may be more vulnerable online

Adopted children are not automatically at higher risk because they are adopted. The risk comes from how early experiences shape their understanding of relationships and safety. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Curiosity about their past - As children grow, many naturally begin to wonder about their birth families. In today’s world, the easiest place to look is online. Social media searches can feel like an innocent curiosity, but without guidance they can lead to instant and unmediated contact that bypasses the emotional support adoption agencies usually provide.

2. Trust and attachment - A child who has experienced loss may find it hard to judge who is safe. Online friendships can provide a powerful sense of validation but also make them more susceptible to manipulation or grooming.

3. Impulsivity and emotional regulation - Early trauma can affect how children respond to stress or excitement. They may overshare personal details or act before thinking about potential risks.

4. Identity and belonging - The internet offers endless opportunities for self-expression. For adopted children, it can also become a space to try on different identities or seek answers about their heritage, sometimes in ways that leave them emotionally exposed.

So, while adopted children are not automatically at greater risk online, their early experiences can make certain situations more complex. Factors such as trust, identity, and emotional regulation may influence how they engage with others or respond to attention. Understanding these nuances does not mean assuming danger, it means staying aware of the vulnerabilities that can shape their digital interactions and guiding them with empathy and consistency.

How parents can build trust and awareness and improve online safety

Adoptive parenting is already rooted in openness and communication - those same skills are the foundation of digital safety. Your willingness to stay connected, even when the topic feels uncomfortable, is what will ultimately keep your child safest online.

Talk early and often.

Start conversations about apps, gaming, and online friends as naturally as you would talk about their day at school. Avoid turning it into a lecture; show curiosity instead. You might ask, “Who do you play with?” or “What do you like about that game?” so your child feels listened to, not inspected. These conversations teach them that you are a safe person to come to when something feels wrong.

Acknowledge curiosity about birth family.

Let your child know that wondering about their past is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Reassure them that if they ever want to look for information or explore contact, they can do so with your support and guidance from their adoption agency. When children feel they can be open about their curiosity, they are far less likely to act in secret, and far more likely to stay safe.

Make a plan together.

Discuss what your child should do if someone online claims to be a birth relative or if they receive an unexpected message that feels strange. Writing the plan down can help make it feel concrete. A calm, practical plan might include:

• Telling you immediately

• Taking a screenshot of the message

• Blocking, unfollowing, or muting the person

• Contacting your Regional Adoption Agency for advice

  
  

This isn’t about fear - it’s about giving your child confidence and control. The goal is not to stop contact altogether, but to make sure it happens safely, with emotional support around it.

Family boundaries for online safety

Consistency builds a sense of safety for adopted children, and that applies online just as much as it does offline. Boundaries are not about control; they are about predictability. When rules feel consistent, children learn that adults can be trusted to protect them, even in digital spaces they cannot fully understand. You do not need to be an expert in technology to keep your child safe. What matters is being present, informed, and involved. Small, steady actions create the structure that children need to explore safely.

Review privacy settings regularly.

Social media and gaming apps frequently update their settings, often making new features public by default. Review them together once a month and talk through why these settings matter. This turns safety into a shared habit rather than a hidden control measure.

Keep accounts private and turn off location tracking.

Many platforms automatically share a user’s location or connections. Explain to your child how small pieces of information, a school name, a street sign, a uniform, can give away more than they intend. Framing it as protecting your family’s shared space, rather than restricting their freedom helps them buy in.

Agree what can and cannot be shared.

Discuss examples: photos in uniform, house numbers, or recognisable landmarks. Set a clear family rule about what feels safe to post, and revisit it regularly as your child grows. If your child is old enough, ask for their input so it becomes a collaborative agreement, not a rule imposed from above.

Stay connected and involved.

Children are more likely to tell you about online problems if you understand the platforms they use. Download their favourite apps, explore the games they play, and ask them to teach you something about them. This builds trust and allows natural opportunities to discuss what they see or experience.

Use parental controls where appropriate.

Filters and parental control settings are not foolproof, but they can buy you time to teach critical thinking before full independence. For younger children, they act as a safety net. For older children, explain why the filters exist and when you plan to relax them - that clarity supports autonomy and respect.

Include gaming platforms in your checks.

Games like Fortnite, FIFA, or Roblox can include private chat features or in-game purchases. Make a point of exploring these settings together, especially voice chat and friend requests. Encourage your child to play with friends they know in real life and to tell you if someone new tries to contact them.

Boundaries work best when they are created with your child, not for them. Involving them in these decisions, even small ones, communicates trust and shared responsibility. Try framing it as teamwork:

“Let’s make sure we both know how to keep our family’s information safe.”

When children feel ownership over their safety, they are far more likely to follow the boundaries you set together.

Emotional safety in the digital age

The emotional impact of online life can be just as powerful as its physical risks. For adopted children - many of whom have lived through early separation, inconsistency, or trauma - the digital world can both soothe and unsettle. Social media, gaming, and group chats offer a sense of belonging and connection, but they can also magnify feelings of difference, rejection, or inadequacy.

Adopted children often have a heightened sensitivity to loss or exclusion. A delayed reply, a group chat they are not part of, or an unfollow from a friend can carry more emotional weight than it might for others. When their self-worth is still developing, these small moments can trigger old patterns of self-blame or anxiety.

It is helpful to remember that online spaces show the edited version of life, the best moments, not the full story. Children who have experienced loss may struggle to hold that perspective. Checking in regularly on how your child feels about what they see online can be just as important as checking what they post. Ask gentle, open questions such as:

“How do you feel after scrolling for a while?”“Do any posts make you feel left out or worried?”“Is there anyone online who makes you feel uncomfortable or pressured?”

By naming feelings early, you teach your child that emotions are manageable and that they do not have to cope alone.

Encourage digital balance.

Emotional regulation thrives on rhythm and routine. Set clear times each day when everyone, including adults, steps away from screens. Shared meals, short evening walks, or bedtime reading routines remind children that connection offline is the truest form of safety. These small habits create space for decompression and help the nervous system reset.

Model healthy use.

Children notice how adults interact with technology. If they see you responding calmly to messages, putting your phone away during conversations, or talking openly about online frustration, they learn that screens can be managed rather than feared.

Recognise signs of online stress.

Changes in sleep, appetite, or concentration may signal that online experiences are weighing on your child. Some adopted children, particularly those with early trauma, may become withdrawn, defensive, or preoccupied after certain interactions. Use these cues as invitations for gentle discussion rather than discipline.

Promote self-esteem through the real world.

Children who feel secure in who they are offline are less dependent on online validation. Encourage activities that build confidence - sport, art, helping others, spending time outdoors, so that their sense of self is grounded in reality rather than likes or followers.

Your family “safety first” checklist

These simple, proactive steps help families feel prepared - not panicked. They support safety, but also predictability, which is vital for children who have experienced uncertainty in the past.

• Agree a no-questions “pick-up plan.” If your child ever feels unsafe, whether that's online, at school, or out with friends, they can text or call a simple code. This gives them autonomy while knowing you will respond calmly.

• Add your child’s “trusted adult hand.” Write down five safe adults they can contact if they feel scared, confused, or unsafe. Display it somewhere visible, such as the fridge or inside a bedroom wardrobe.

• Turn on location sharing between your child and a named adult they trust. Explain that it is not about surveillance, but about reassurance and quick help if needed.

• Meet the school’s designated safeguarding lead. Share any adoption-related information that may be relevant to your child’s wellbeing. Agree a quiet space or a named staff member they can go to if they feel overwhelmed.

• Review the top three apps your child uses. Sit together to check privacy, reporting, and chat settings. Use the opportunity to ask how they use the apps and who they talk to.

• Monitor wellbeing. If you notice changes in sleep, appetite, or emotional regulation, check in with your child’s GP, school nurse, or mental health support team. Early conversations prevent small worries from becoming crises.

Predictability, structure, and gentle transparency - online and offline - create the emotional scaffolding that adopted children need to feel secure. The goal is not to control their digital life, but to help them feel capable and supported within it. Online safety for adopted children is not about restriction - it is about connection. When parents stay involved, talk openly, and approach digital life as a shared journey, children learn to navigate the online world with confidence and self-awareness. Your consistency and calm are their best protection.

Speak soon,

The Walk Together Team