Pets and adoption: The surprising role animals can play in a child’s healing

Bringing a pet into a home is always exciting. But for adopted children, it can mean much more than companionship. A pet can become a bridge between mistrust and security, chaos and calm. For children who have experienced trauma, separation, or disrupted attachment, animals can offer something unique - a safe relationship that feels reliable, unconditional, and healing. Research has shown that the human-animal bond goes far beyond affection. Animals can support attachment, regulate stress responses, and even influence the chemistry of the human body. For adoptive families, understanding how this works, and when the timing is right, can turn pet ownership into an intentional part of a child’s emotional growth.

The science behind human–animal bonding

Attachment and the “non-judgemental” presence

Attachment theory suggests that children develop mental templates of relationships based on early experiences with caregivers. When those experiences are marked by inconsistency or harm, trust can feel unsafe. Animals, however, do not carry the same relational threat. Dogs, cats, horses, and even smaller animals such as rabbits or guinea pigs respond to calmness, touch, and consistency. They offer what psychologists call a secure base - a reliable, non-judgemental companion who provides warmth and predictability. For children who may associate human closeness with fear, the quiet, accepting presence of a pet can offer a first step towards rebuilding trust. Research from the University of Southampton (Meints et al., 2021) found that children interacting regularly with therapy dogs displayed reduced anxiety and more positive social engagement. Similarly, a 2020 Frontiers in Psychology study showed that children’s attachment security could improve through sustained positive contact with animals, particularly dogs who model safe, trusting behaviour.

How animals influence the body

The benefits of animal interaction are not just emotional - they are physiological. Numerous studies demonstrate that human-animal contact affects hormone levels, brain activity, and the nervous system in ways that directly support regulation and recovery. For children who have experienced trauma, these effects can help rebuild a sense of safety from the inside out.

The neurobiology of safety

When a child strokes a calm, friendly animal, their brain activates the same neural pathways associated with human attachment and comfort. The amygdala - the brain’s fear centre - becomes less reactive, while areas linked to empathy and social engagement, such as the prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate, show increased activity. This means that an interaction as simple as brushing a cat or sitting quietly beside a dog can shift the brain out of a defensive state and into one of calm connection.

Hormonal and nervous system responses

• Oxytocin release: Petting or cuddling animals stimulates oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, which promotes feelings of safety, connection, and trust. Higher oxytocin levels are linked to improved attachment behaviour, emotional warmth, and reduced aggression.

• Cortisol reduction: Interaction with pets has been shown to reduce cortisol, the stress hormone associated with anxiety and hyper-vigilance. Lower cortisol levels support better sleep, digestion, and overall emotional balance - all of which are often disrupted in children with trauma histories.

• Improved heart-rate variability: This measure of how flexibly our body adapts to stress improves in children who regularly engage with calm animals. Greater variability reflects a healthier balance between alertness and relaxation, making it easier for a child to recover from emotional stress.

• Vagal tone: Slow, rhythmic interaction with animals (stroking, grooming, feeding) activates the vagus nerve, which governs the body’s “rest and digest” response. This helps lower blood pressure, deepen breathing, and slow the heart rate, creating physiological conditions for emotional stability.

  
  

Sensory integration and grounding

For many adopted children, sensory systems are easily overwhelmed - loud noises, unpredictable touch, or sudden movements can trigger defensive reactions. Animals offer a different kind of sensory input: repetitive, predictable, and soothing. The softness of fur, the steady sound of purring, or the rhythmic motion of brushing a horse provides consistent sensory feedback that grounds the child in the present moment. This kind of sensory integration helps retrain the brain to interpret physical sensations as safe rather than threatening. Over time, these experiences can build tolerance for other forms of gentle human contact.

Breathing and synchronisation

Research into animal-assisted therapy has shown that children’s breathing and heart rhythms often begin to synchronise with those of calm animals, particularly dogs and horses. This phenomenon, known as physiological synchrony, enhances regulation by creating a shared sense of calm. A 2019 study found that children working with therapy horses experienced reductions in both heart rate and respiration rate after repeated sessions. Similar findings have been observed with dogs in school settings, where regular reading or relaxation sessions with animals led to lower anxiety and improved attention spans.

Immune and metabolic benefits

The influence of pets extends beyond the nervous system. Early exposure to animals is associated with a stronger immune response and reduced likelihood of allergies and asthma, according to research from the University of Gothenburg. Interactions with animals are also thought to promote the release of endorphins, natural painkillers and mood stabilisers, which support emotional resilience and general wellbeing.

A body that feels safe

For adopted children whose nervous systems are often on high alert due to early trauma, these physiological effects can be profoundly regulating. Stroking a dog’s fur, watching fish swim, or feeding a rabbit creates predictable sensory input and a rhythm that supports calming pathways in the brain. As the child’s body begins to experience safety consistently, their mind can follow. Over time, this physical regulation lays the groundwork for emotional healing - teaching the body and brain that calmness, connection, and comfort can coexist without danger.

How animals support healing in adopted children

1. Rebuilding attachment and trust

Children who have experienced disrupted caregiving may struggle with both closeness and independence. A pet offers the opportunity to experiment with safe attachment - to give and receive affection without the same fear of rejection or inconsistency. Therapeutic practitioners note that many children express love and empathy more freely with a pet before they can with a human. The non-verbal nature of the relationship reduces pressure and allows the child to learn that warmth and trust do not always lead to pain. Over time, this relational safety can extend to human caregivers. Parents can use the pet as a “relational bridge”, observing how their child interacts and gently mirroring the same behaviours, consistency, playfulness, calm touch for example, in their own relationship with the child.

2. Emotional regulation

Animals are natural co-regulators. Their calm, rhythmic breathing and predictable behaviour can help children down-regulate when agitated or frightened. A child who is overwhelmed can learn to sit quietly beside a pet, to stroke or brush it slowly, and to find comfort in shared presence. This physical contact creates grounding. It engages the parasympathetic nervous system, helping the child return from fight, flight, or freeze to a state of safety. Over time, children internalise these rhythms, learning self-soothing strategies that no longer depend solely on external help.

3. Routine and responsibility

Caring for a pet provides predictability, like feeding, walking, grooming, and cleaning. These routines offer structure, something many adopted children crave after early instability. Routine builds competence and self-esteem: a child who feels powerless can experience pride through nurturing another being. This sense of agency is central to recovery. Each time the child feeds a pet or notices its needs, they are learning empathy, attunement, and consistency, the very foundations of secure attachment.

4. Social connection

Pets often draw other people in. Taking a dog for a walk, visiting the vet, or attending training classes all invite social interaction in a low-pressure way. For children who find peer or adult relationships difficult, these shared experiences can foster gentle exposure to community. Animals also act as conversational anchors, it is easier for a child to talk about how the dog feels than how they do. This can be an important therapeutic gateway for children who struggle with direct emotional expression.

What age is best to introduce a pet?

There is no single rule, but developmental readiness is key. Below is a guide for adoptive families to consider.

Child’s age	Opportunities	Things to watch
Under 3 years	Gentle exposure to calm, well-handled animals may support sensory integration and curiosity.	Toddlers lack impulse control. Pets should belong primarily to adults at this stage.
Ages 4-6	A good time to start visiting therapy animals or family friends’ pets. Early empathy and regulation skills are forming.	Children still require close supervision. Consistency is more important than full responsibility.
Ages 7-12	Often the “sweet spot”. Children can understand rules, boundaries, and care routines. Ideal time for first family pet with clear shared responsibilities.	Choose calm, predictable breeds. Avoid overloading the child with sole care duties.
Teenagers	Animals can offer companionship during identity struggles and independence. They may also anchor teens to home.	Adolescents can form deep bonds, but may resist routine chores or be distressed by pet loss.

While middle childhood is often ideal, every family’s readiness is different. Stability, time, and emotional bandwidth matter far more than the child’s exact age.

Introducing a pet: a gradual, mindful process

1. Observe readiness - Ensure the household feels calm and predictable before introducing an animal. If your child is currently navigating major transitions. it may be best to wait.

2. Start with exposure - Visits to animal farms, equine therapy sessions, or local rehoming centres allow children to test their comfort levels and learn about animal needs in a supported way.

3. Choose the right animal - Dogs and cats tend to be most interactive, but small pets (rabbits, guinea pigs, fish) can also offer emotional connection. The key is temperament: calm, gentle, and tolerant of handling.

4. Model care and attunement - Children learn from watching. Adults should demonstrate patience, gentleness, and responsibility. Narrate actions: “I’m filling the bowl because he’s hungry” helps link observation with empathy.

5. Integrate pet care into family life - Create shared rituals like morning feeding, evening walks, grooming days. Consistency fosters safety for both child and animal.

6. Monitor for overwhelm or regression - If the child becomes controlling, avoids the animal, or appears anxious, slow the process. Some children need longer to adjust. Seek advice from your therapist if needed.

When things go wrong: preparing for grief and loss

While pets can be profoundly healing, they also introduce the concept of mortality and loss, topics that can be especially triggering for adopted children who have already experienced separation. If a pet becomes ill or dies, honesty delivered with sensitivity is essential. Avoid euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” that can confuse or frighten younger children. Instead, explain that all living things have a life cycle and that death does not erase love or memories. Encourage rituals: drawing pictures, planting a flower, or writing a goodbye letter helps children process the loss. It is also important to connect the experience to ongoing security: “Even though our dog has died, we are still here together, and you are safe.” Handled carefully, pet loss can become an opportunity to teach emotional expression, grief processing, and continuity of care, valuable experiences for children whose early losses may have been chaotic or unresolved.

Emotional support animals versus therapy animals

Families sometimes ask whether they should seek a formal therapy animal or emotional support animal. The distinction matters:

• Therapy animals are trained and certified to work with professionals (psychologists, counsellors, or occupational therapists) in structured sessions. Their role is part of a therapeutic process.

• Emotional support animals (ESAs) on the other hand are companion pets prescribed to provide comfort and stability, often with limited formal training.

For most adoptive families, a calm, well-chosen household pet is entirely sufficient. However, for children with complex trauma or additional needs, working with a trained therapy animal under professional supervision can add structure and safety, especially during the early stages of attachment work.

Integrating pets into adoptive family life

The greatest success comes when pets are woven into daily family rhythms rather than treated as a special project.

• Include pets in family narratives. Children often find it easier to talk through the animal’s perspective - “How do you think the cat feels today?” becomes a route to empathy.

• Use pets in relational repair. After conflict or emotional rupture, shared time with the pet (feeding or walking together) can act as a natural reset.

• Notice parallels. When a child feels rejected by the animal (“He ran away from me”), it is a chance to talk about boundaries, patience, and trust.

• Celebrate milestones. Marking the pet’s birthday or training success builds shared family memories, strengthening cohesion.

Extending the benefits: supporting lifelong empathy and stability

The influence of animal relationships often extends well beyond childhood. Long-term studies have shown that early exposure to animals is linked to higher emotional intelligence, reduced aggression, and stronger social responsibility in adolescence and adulthood. For adopted children, these skills can help stabilise peer relationships and promote future emotional resilience.

Parents can nurture this growth by discussing the pet’s emotions and needs in everyday language - “She’s hiding because she feels nervous,” or “He’s wagging his tail because he’s happy you’re home.” Such small conversations reinforce empathy and mentalisation - the ability to understand that others have their own thoughts and feelings, which is a crucial marker of attachment security.

As the child matures, shared care decisions (choosing food, arranging vet visits) further develop problem-solving, responsibility, and collaboration. In time, these small acts form the building blocks of a secure relational identity: the belief that love, responsibility, and safety can coexist.

The bigger picture: what this teaches adopted children

Ultimately, a pet’s greatest gift is not obedience or affection, it is relationship. A healthy relationship with an animal teaches:

• That connection can be safe and consistent.

• That care is reciprocal, not one-sided.

• That emotions can be expressed without rejection.

• That responsibility and empathy can coexist with fun and play.

For adopted children, these lessons are profound. They rewrite internal stories about love, reliability, and belonging. Pets do not replace people, but they can help a child rediscover what safety feels like, through one gentle paw, one quiet breath or one wag of the tail at a time.

Speak soon,

The Walk Together Team