How adoption-related trauma shows up during adolescence

Adolescence is a period marked by physical development, cognitive shifts, emerging independence, and the search for identity. For many young people, this journey is already complex. But for adolescents with experience of adoption - particularly those affected by early trauma - the teenage years can reawaken emotional wounds that seemed dormant in childhood. Behavioural changes, emotional outbursts, and relational turbulence may be misunderstood as typical teen behaviour when, in fact, they reflect deeper processes tied to loss, attachment, and identity.

Understanding how adoption-related trauma presents during adolescence can help adoptive parents, carers, and professionals respond with empathy, insight, and effective support. In this blog, we explore the neuroscience, psychology, and lived experience of adopted teenagers, weaving in academic literature and practical insights throughout.

The re-emergence of early trauma in adolescence

Adoption-related trauma often stems from early experiences of loss, neglect, or instability. Even when adoption occurred at birth, the separation from birth parents and potential time in care can affect brain development and attachment systems (Schore, 2001). During adolescence, the brain undergoes another intense period of growth and reorganisation, particularly in the prefrontal cortex and limbic system (Steinberg, 2005). This neurological reworking can bring unresolved trauma back to the surface. Perry and Szalavitz (2010) explain that trauma stored in the lower parts of the brain - such as the brainstem and limbic areas - is reactivated under stress, even if the child cannot consciously recall the original trauma. Adolescence, with its increased social complexity and developmental demands, can act as a trigger.

Adopted teenagers may not have the words to articulate their distress. Instead, it may show up as risk-taking behaviours, withdrawal, anger, or defiance. These responses are not signs of bad behaviour but often indicators that past attachment injuries are being reactivated under the stress of growing up.

Identity development and adoption

Erikson’s psychosocial theory (1968) identifies identity versus role confusion as the key developmental task of adolescence. For adopted teens, identity formation involves not only the typical questions -“Who am I?” and “Where do I belong?” - but also: “Why was I adopted?” “Who are my birth parents?” “Do I look like them?” and “Why did they not raise me?”

 Grotevant (1997) found that adopted adolescents often experience “emotional distance regulation,” a process of moving closer to or further away from their adoptive identity in an attempt to manage discomfort and confusion. This inner negotiation can cause outward instability in behaviour and mood. Even in the most loving families, adopted adolescents may grapple with feelings of rejection or abandonment. The need to understand their story can intensify, particularly if information about birth parents is limited. Some may begin to idealise or demonise their birth parents, while others may oscillate between identifying with both families or neither. Parents can help by creating an environment where questions are welcomed, not avoided. Even if information is limited, being open about the story builds trust and allows the teen to explore their identity with support rather than secrecy.

Changes in attachment patterns

Many adopted children form strong attachments to their caregivers over time, especially in stable and nurturing homes. However, adolescence can bring a re-evaluation of those relationships. A teenager’s drive for independence may conflict with an underlying fear of rejection or abandonment, especially for those with an insecure or disorganised attachment history. This can look like emotional push-pull behaviour: one moment seeking closeness, the next lashing out. Adopted teens may test the durability of their adoptive parents’ love, subconsciously asking, “Will you still love me if I act like this?”

Research by Moretti and Peled (2004) indicates that adolescence is a key period for changes in attachment dynamics, especially for those with a history of disrupted care. Adopted teens with unresolved trauma may show increased hostility or mistrust toward caregivers even when attachment seemed stable in earlier years. Responding with consistency, rather than punishment or withdrawal, is crucial. Parents should aim to stay connected even in conflict, showing the teen that the relationship is strong enough to hold difficult emotions.

School struggles and social vulnerability

School can be a particularly difficult arena for adopted adolescents. The combination of academic pressures, social hierarchy, and identity exploration can expose gaps in emotional regulation and executive functioning. Some teens may appear disengaged or oppositional, while others may overcompensate, masking their distress through perfectionism. Adopted teens might also be more vulnerable to peer rejection or manipulation due to low self-esteem or a strong need for acceptance. If they have not fully processed their adoption story, they may find it difficult to explain their background or respond to invasive questions from peers.

Studies have shown that children adopted from care, particularly those who experienced multiple placements, have poorer educational outcomes and are more likely to receive behavioural support (Sebba et al., 2015). This is often linked not to cognitive ability, but to trauma-related challenges in attention, memory, and emotional regulation. Open dialogue with schools is key. Trauma-informed school environments that prioritise relationships over rigid discipline are more likely to support the adolescent’s development. Parents can work with educators to implement predictable routines and identify emotional triggers.

Risk behaviours and emotional dysregulation

Some adopted adolescents engage in high-risk behaviours, such as substance use, unsafe sexual activity, running away, or self-harm. While these behaviours are also seen in the general population, they can be more prevalent or intense in teens who have experienced early adversity. These actions are often attempts at emotional regulation or identity assertion. For instance, an adolescent who feels emotionally numb may self-harm to feel something; another may use drugs to escape intrusive thoughts or memories. Shame, confusion, and unprocessed grief are often beneath the surface.

According to van der Kolk (2014), traumatised individuals may engage in self-destructive behaviour as a means of coping with dysregulated internal states. The behaviour is not attention-seeking- it is survival-seeking. Adoptive parents should approach these behaviours with curiosity and compassion, not just consequence. Professional support from trauma-informed therapists - such as those trained in sensory Theraplay or Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (Hughes, 2009) - can help teens develop healthier coping strategies.

The role of contact and birth family questions

During adolescence, questions about the birth family often intensify. If contact is ongoing (as in open adoption UK models), teenagers may begin to reassess those relationships with new emotional and cognitive insight. If contact is absent or limited, curiosity can become consuming, and fantasies may fill the void. This process can be confusing, not only for the adopted teen but also for their adoptive family. Parents may feel threatened by the child’s interest in their birth origins or worry that searching for answers means rejecting the adoptive bond. However, research suggests that exploring birth family connections is a healthy part of identity development.

Neil et al. (2010) found that contact with birth families during adolescence can support the development of a coherent identity and ease grief for both parties - when managed with openness and appropriate boundaries. Adoptive parents can support this process by being proactive rather than reactive - initiating conversations, offering to revisit life story materials, or supporting therapeutic contact when safe and appropriate.

The need for post adoption support

The adolescent years may be when families most need structured post adoption support, yet many services focus heavily on early placement. Access to consistent, trauma-informed therapeutic support is essential for both young people and their caregivers. In the UK, the Adoption Support Fund (ASF) can be used to fund therapeutic services, including Theraplay, life story work, and family therapy. However, access to these services can be uneven, and many adoptive families report delays or barriers in securing help during the teenage years. Selwyn et al. (2014) found that adoptive families with access to timely post-adoption support reported greater placement stability and improved mental health outcomes for children and adolescents. The absence of support was often cited as a key factor in adoption breakdown. Adoptive parents are encouraged to seek early involvement with support services—ideally before crisis hits. Schools, GPs, and social workers can help make referrals, and peer support groups (including online adoptee forums UK) can reduce isolation.

Closing thoughts

Adolescence is not just a developmental phase - it is a testing ground for identity, trust, and emotional resilience. For adopted teenagers, especially those carrying hidden trauma, it can also be a time of profound reckoning. Behaviours that appear oppositional or confusing often hold deeper meaning rooted in early loss and the search for self.

Parents, carers, and professionals who understand the neurological and emotional underpinnings of this stage can offer more than guidance - they can offer healing. With consistent routines, open conversations, and access to trauma-informed care, adolescence can be not just a storm to weather, but a bridge toward integration and strength.

Speak soon,

The Walk Together Team